Everything God
Don’t be deterred by the title. Even though God is stitched into everything that I do, we have a sassy relationship where I call him on his bullshit almost every day. It’s not a church going relationship. And it’s definitely not a structured one. But he does tell me to breathe about every hour of my existence. I grew up Catholic; like a plaid skirt wearing St. Giles all-star terrified of being possessed since they said Emily Rose did nothing wrong and it just happened to her. Shout out to my third-grade teacher that told me the devil could possess you using unknown phone calls. Now, my grandparents are Baptist on one side and Evangelical on the other, and one of my grandmothers recently told me she was sad none of us go to church. But… it’s just not my type of relationship. I talk about God a lot with all my grandparents, and they’ve said they can tell I’m connected to God, but they can’t get past the structure the fictional bible apparently gave them. Oh yeah, I do think the bible is a fictitious story written by men who were inspired. But I do think a woman’s input would help its message. I never believed Noah was 6oo years old and I was confused by the focus on love that really portrayed hatred. I made up stories to the priest since they made me go to confession every week and no little girl sinned that much. Even so, today, I do consider myself a Christian.
My art is enthralled by the message of God, and I find inspiration in religious stories, cemeteries, and churches. Even in my first photography class at 13, I had my dad drive me through the cemetery for inspiration. Now, when things get crazy, you can always find me talking to a new friend in the cemetery. Yes, I mean TALKING. It’s none of your business if they actually talk back. As for the ones that were once my living friends, I think about them more as guardian angels. With my connection to the dead, I’ve always taken it hard if anyone around me dies, and I don’t know how to say this, but it’s like my connection to them strengthens. And I wish I knew where their own graves were. I might know the cemetery but not the burial, and I always look for their edged name in stone, hoping I can lay permanent roses for their remains. Now I dedicate all my work to them. Even when I don’t know their names. Like the crime junkie spirits that appear every episode.
I wanted to take this time to tell you about my book that I’ll be finishing in 2025 called I am God. It is a dystopian novel centered around God and his control over those that live. There are hidden messages in the novel like the ones God has sent me when he says my name in a movie or sent me an oracle Eagle card. And our relationship can be a strained one. Why would God put me through that? Was he teaching me a lesson? Do I forgive him? Surprisingly, I came out of my experience with more faith than I’d ever had, but I see God more as a friend. The novel is a way for me to rewrite about all the trauma I experienced without telling anyone things I’m still embarrassed about. You are my muses, but God is the one that told me about you. Everything God.
