it was worth the wait (deluxe)

someday

every tomorrow comes with a past

every borrowed energy will never last

should I schedule my dreams on the notes I sing?

Normally an engagement comes with a ring

Sometimes I close my eyes just so I can see

Manifesting a future should come with a degree

If I’d achieved it, I’d show you the certificate

But that would change your entire significance

When will someday be there?

As I stare, stars fill the air

Perfection doesn’t mean it’s actually there

Find me at church sending a prayer

Everyone screams at the stop sign of dreams

But I make success part of my routine

sanctuary

when you’re starting to die because you tried

tears soak your cheeks behind dry eyes

twenty-five years ago, was the sequel

none of the characters are the same people

Why do you run past todays gifted mask?

The winner can enter if they come in last

Why did you write yourself into the script?

Hear me one last time to get the message

The villain is inside the sanctuary

The wilting roses say I’ve been buried

Every corner I turn, I feel the scary

I wear the ring I was forced to marry

Because the water moves faster than the ferry

My baggage was labeled fragile and heavy

They don’t know because it took five years to grow

When they see me, I won’t be someone they know

count down

I’m not used to making myself slow down

Since he muttered those words, it’s been a count down

When will it kill me? Is it really planned out?

Because I never decided this is my reality now

It’s all in my head but the pills really help

When the clock hits zero, will I fail the count down?

Pick yourself up and do the fucking work

They say invisible pain does not really hurt

I haven’t cried in 10 years because it makes it worse

This may be my face, but my personality is reversed

home

Displaced spirits float through the universe

I hear the whispers say I’ll break the curse

Maybe that’s why I’m always on my own

I didn’t know what it was till I tattooed home

It’s just a place where you’re always around

Ignore the signs that say you’re not allowed

Do you think one day you’ll marry me?

That’s the only future I see

acknowledge your fears

I’m not really scared of knowing the worst

In the morning, fear is what I feel first

Will I do it? Can I make it? Is it going to hurt?

My days have been plagued by anonymous words

They say acknowledge your fears of all those years

Grab it with confidence to save your career

You’re the girl in bed dreaming but not believing

You’ve had enough time to mourn and grieve

Today, you wake up with blood in your face

Keep that same energy – you are really grace

lies aren’t fair

The words that are spoken are never broken

Only God knows the identities I’ve stolen

Lies aren’t fair when you’ve been there

The crickets that chirp steal all the air

I told the old man that he must stand

Without a journey inside a nightmare

Are you aware that I’m standing here?

The bloody water made it clear

and then one day

The villain killed me but never returned

To see my body hadn’t been burned

And then one day, I crawled out of the dirt

Only the fairies witnessed my birth

I ate everything that came from the Earth

I walked on Sunday till I found the church

No one believed that she’d really return

But that’s not really my concern

eat your sprinkles

A mission is under way to steal my soul

The days are counted based on a goal

How is it hard when it could get worse?

I think I might be the one that got hurt

I beg to be normal, so my friends return

Raising the bar as my brain finally learns

Voices scream please eat your sprinkles

The pink ones really make me a thinker

Orange and white pulled apart all night

While blue takes away my need to survive

I still reach for a drink like it’s my therapy

So, watch me step backwards in purity

character

I almost forgot what it’s like to live

Did I feel this way when I was a kid?

Is it my signature to think it into existence?

Because the in-between is a really long distance

Do the shadows under my eyes say I slept 9-5?

Do they tell you the secret of how I survived?

My stomach only eats the guilt it is served

But it stills holds up the weight of the world

I like to pretend I’m just a character

Stuck in a world I choose to surrender

Reality and fantasy somehow made friends

In the stories, there is no difference

The artwork doesn’t say how bad it was everyday

I guess it’s just because I didn’t want to complain

anti-psychotics

the need to heal involves a fire drill

it only gets better when you learn the skill

I do it with caution as I try to stop it

1,000 things I’ve done but will never admit

What if I mixed my brain with anti-psychotics?

Maybe I won’t disappear with the logic

Maybe their words won’t be as toxic

Maybe I’ll stop stealing their narcotics

Do you see me somewhere in all of it?

That was because no one responded

you’re in the book

paper became my friend when I was irrelevant

the look of the last goodbye said what you meant

is it a story recognized by all your lies?

I’ll smile when I tell you, baby, it’s mine

If you have to think, you’re in the book

Your character’s name is hidden real good

The nightmares I dream are a reminder for me

You haven’t seen me since my sudden defeat

Even though you’ve forgotten, I know why

You’ll be surprised when you die

start over

Why can’t my actions bring me to satisfaction?

I was the hero before I’d ever had it

The motion never shows my brains craving

I am addicted to the pain because it’s amazing

Your way led me to bigger and better things

I’m the only one who know I have wings

Can it be midnight so I can start over?

It’s been a long time since last October

My organs failed but I said I was a donor

The death march was played by a dead composer

I’m farther than you think so why is it closer?

I’ve never said out loud that I am sober

A lie told my brain I’m insane

The inked note flowed with the rain

up to you

The bile tasters like failure today

Like my brain told my body not to obey

It takes a second for never to become forever

The window was shattered under the pressure

If someone could see the secrets I keep

The money would run out despite being cheap

My thoughts are a nightmare I wake up to see

And the demons come in groups of three

If you want to give up, that’s up to you

Discredit all the wins that helped you get through

But tomorrow will come and you’ll change the tune

Who is this person you’ve turned into?

When you lay down at night, you’re stronger than me

It’s not you anymore, it’s actually she